CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING

WALK THAT HUGE ELEPHANT OUT OF THE ROOM……………………………

• As a Psychologist with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy for four decades, and having worked literally with thousands of couples and families in my clinical practice whose journey I so respect and honor,  I am fully aware that often what couples are talking about is not what they are really talking about.  The content of their discussion is a smoke screen for deeper issues.  Often there are issues of inequality and lack of respect in the relationship.  This is the elephant in the room that is not being discussed. This might result in considerable reflection on compatibility for you.  Consider whether your frequent disagreements reflect a fundamental difference in values or life priorities. Do you feel frequently betrayed in small and bigger situations.  Does the situation make you question your partner’s ability or willingness to honor commitments, and how does that align with your future together?

  
  

• The way a partner handles conflict and commitment on shared responsibilities is important to the health of the relationship. If you feel that your partner consistently reneges on agreements or doesn’t take your feelings into account, it may be a sign to assess the overall health of the relationship and whether both of you are truly aligned on key values.  This is all about trust and respect.  This situation may also prompt you to think about long-term compatibility. If you value the “thing” over which you seemingly are arguing and the emotional connection “it”  provides you, and your partner doesn’t, this could lead to larger issues down the road in terms of shared priorities, respect for each other’s needs, and the ability to compromise. If the situation doesn’t improve and becomes a recurring issue, you might also need to reassess the broader dynamics of the relationship, perhaps consider temporarily living separately to help you both process your feelings and the situation more clearly. This can give you time and space to reflect on the relationship and whether it’s worth continuing under these circumstances.

  
  

The final resort is Conscious Uncoupling which I discussed in a previous post if your needs are constantly or frequently unmet in the relationship.   Conscious Uncoupling is often in the best interest of an entire family and a way to be responsible to a family.  This could be the most selfless decision one can make in a most difficult situation. This requires collaboration and, at times, sacrifices that take courage to make. Additionally, the courage to eventually open up to new relationships, requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to learn from past experiences.  Conscious uncoupling and the courage to leave a marriage is about approaching the end of a relationship with mindfulness, responsibility, and compassion. It’s about recognizing that ending the relationship is often the healthiest decision for both individuals, and it takes immense bravery to honor that choice and finally walk that huge elephant out of the room!

I salute and honor so many of you who have gone through this and/or planning to initiate such a life passage.    In reverence and love and light…dr. teri